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Looking to Start Over

I know it’s been a while since I last made a blog post here. It wasn’t intentional, life has gotten quite busy since my last one. My husband and I got married in August, moved to another state, and I got a new job since we moved.  Also the last book I read (Lord of the Flies) wasn’t all too enjoyable for me. As a result, I felt like I needed a little bit of a break from reading.

I unintentionally ended up taking a break from my writing as well. But I’m hoping that I can now get off my hiatus from here and get back into writing blog posts again. I know I’ve missed it quite a bit, but also realize too that when you need a break you should take one when your able to. So I’m also trying not to be too hard on myself for it.

So I’d like to take this moment and acknowledge that I’ll be starting over on my blog. Not in the sense that I’ll be deleting my previous blog posts or anything like that. Just that since it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, I feel like I need to start over in general. Give myself a reset here. I’m not planning on changing any of the type of writing I do on here since I enjoy my little niche of talking about books, writing and video games.

What I want to start over on is with regards to how frequent my blog posts become. I don’t want to keep doing what I’ve been doing in saying I’ll be back only to leave and be gone for months. I want to try and make my blog posts on here more consistent whenever I’m able to. Like writing my book reviews whenever I finish a book I’m reading and putting down commentary on a game I’m playing once I’ve gotten acquainted with the game enough to where I feel like I can honestly be myself when talking about it.

I know life has been hectic lately due to the way things are going on in the world right now and want to acknowledge how that also easily played a part in my hiatus too. But I’m tired of not writing anymore like I used to and am ready to be back here that I hope this blog post is well received by whoever decides to read it.

If you’re reading this and are new to my blog, I welcome you and thank you for taking time out of your day to read this! If you’re reading this but are someone who’s been following me, I thank you for coming to read this post and for continuing to follow me despite the amount of time that’s passed since my last post.

I hope you all have been doing well during this crazy time and can’t wait to hear from you!       

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Writing My Truth

I know it’s been a solid while since I’ve written here on my blog. The hiatus I unexpectedly took wasn’t at all planned, just was something that happened. I don’t know why—well, I have a couple theories at least as to why I just vanished off the blogosphere for most of 2020. I know this year has been rough for almost everyone with what all’s been going on, from COVID 19 ravaging the world to here in the US having our elections and all the craziness that’s going on with Trump not accepting his loss. 

For me, it’s been a whole lot rougher than I expected. I think the biggest reason being that it’s my first year without having my best friend to talk to. And to tell the truth, I’ve been struggling with dealing with that loss. I think it impacted me a lot more than I expected to where I just couldn’t write for a while. Losing her literally put me at a loss of words, the grief was that powerful for me.

I also think what doesn’t help is that I struggle with depression and anxiety. I get into a deep sadness where all I want to do is sleep and not wake up and cry with no provocation. I’ve been struggling with it for a while, I want to say since we left my Mom’s abusive marriage. I’ve just never put it into words or admitted it because I didn’t realize it was something I had for the longest time. It wasn’t until I was in college and I’d have moments where I’d cry in my sleep that I realized something was up. But even then, I didn’t realize it was depression because it was like I just couldn’t accept it that something was the matter with me. It wasn’t really until this year that I accepted I had depression and that I needed to tell my doctor and family about it. And even now, I’m still dealing with it in different ways. I’m taking medication prescribed by my doctor for it, which I know only does so much.

I know there’s still more I need to do about it, but I am working on it. One step at a time, one day at a time because that’s what I can do. Focus on what’s going on in front of me and keep moving forward. But I am okay, doing a lot better than I have been. This blog post is proof of that because I hadn’t been writing as much lately until these past couple days. Been playing video games and focusing on work more than anything.

Been moving forward in life too, because I moved into an apartment with the love of my life at the end of July. It’s small and cozy, but perfect as a temporary home for us until we’re able to save up for a bigger place. I also received a raise in October from my job. Not by much mind you (2% increase is what I was told, which is the highest they give to employees apparently), but still better than nothing. Work has also been busy in general too, leaving me most days feeling physically exhausted by the time I make it home. But I don’t mind because my job has never been slow or uneventful for me. Just tires me out more than I’m used to, especially having to wake up to be ready and at my desk by 7am. I’ve been working for this company since May last year and I’m still not used to when I get up to begin my day.

But yes, I’m doing a hell of a lot better now. I haven’t been reading and writing as much lately, which I’m hoping to change now because I’m ready to be out of this rut I’ve been in. However, I’ve also been enjoying the video games I’ve been playing on my PlayStation 4 as well. In this time of solitary isolation with my love, I find them to be a good way to relax and destress from a busy day. Maybe I’ll write about some of them here so I can tell you why I’ve been enjoying them so much, why they’ve been such a wonderful distraction for me in my life when I’ve needed it.

I want you all to know though, that I’m extremely thankful for each one of you who’s still here even though I’ve been gone for so long. I’ve been meaning to come back way sooner, but I really feel like life got so crazy and draining for me this year that I needed to be away and didn’t even know it. So I apologize for being gone for so long and I’ll try my best for it not to become a habit.

I also want you all to know I’m okay. Seriously, I’m doing good. I wouldn’t say that with such conviction if I truly didn’t mean it. Do I have bad days where I don’t want to do anything at all, but lay in bed? Yes, that’s part of the sadness I have to deal with. However, I’m not going to let it control me or rule my life. I’ll deal with the moments when they come, but I’ll conquer them each and every time. Because I believe in myself, know that everything is going to be okay and that I’ll get through it. I also know what I need to do for myself to get through them because I’ve dealt with them enough already to know how to handle it.

I just wanted to let you all know that. Just wanted to write my truth on here about what’s been going on with me and let you all know I’m fine. And I’m going to try from here on out not let this be a habit. I’ll make sure that if there’s a next time I take a long time away from blogging to let it be known here so that if any of you were worrying about me, you’ll know I’m okay.

I hope you all are doing well during this time. I know 2020 has been a really rough year, so I want to know if you are okay. And if you aren’t, that’s also fine too. Just know I’m here and that if you ever need to reach out to someone, I’ll gladly listen to whatever you have to say.  

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2020: The Year of Me

2020 Happy New Year Pinterest
Image from Pinterest.

2019 has been a rough year for me. I lost one of the most important people in my life, someone I never imagined I’d have to face life without. My best friend who while I know is no longer in pain, I still miss as if she passed away just yesterday. Dealing with the grief I feel over her loss has been one of the hardest things I’ve gone through, especially knowing as I experience 2020, she won’t be here this year. While I’m currently doing fine right now, I won’t say her loss hasn’t changed me in some way like losing someone you care about tends to do.

Erin and I At the Beach
One of my favorite pictures of my best friend and I at the beach for her birthday.

It’s made this year difficult. As I experience certain moments in life, I’m constantly reminded that I can no longer talk to her about what’s going on and it sucks. It reminds me of how short life is for all of us and how much I wish she were here experiencing life with me.

2019 hasn’t been all bad though. I’ve had some good moments during this past year too, like starting my new job at China Jushi USA in May and being one of the bridesmaids during my sister’s wedding in November. I’ve also made some new friends through a video game I’ve recently been playing on my PlayStation 4 I bought for myself in 2019, Final Fantasy XIV that I talk to on almost a daily basis along with reconnecting with some old friends too who’ve also had the same loss I’ve been experiencing.

Laney and I At Her Wedding 2019
My sister and I at her wedding reception.

So, while 2019 has been a rough year, I’ve also seen some good come out of this past year for me too. Yes, 2019 wasn’t the year I was hoping it would be, but I know it helped shape me into the woman I am today. So, for that, I’m grateful, even though it means beginning a new year without one of the most important people in my life.

What I want 2020 to be for me is a year of taking care of myself. I spend so much of my time and energy worrying about other people that I don’t stop and think about what I want out of life. So, I hope for 2020 to spend some time doing things for myself that make me happy, like continuing writing here on my blog and continuing pursuing other passions I love.

I also want 2020 to be a year of learning and growth for me. With that in mind, since I work for a Chinese company, I want to learn Chinese. I’ve already started the process a little by downloading Duolingo on my phone and using it a little each day. However, I also plan on looking into other avenues for learning Chinese so if anyone here has gone through the process of learning another language and knows a good tool I can use, don’t hesitate to let me know in the comments section of this post.

So, for 2020, I hope to continue growing into the woman I’m meant to be while pursuing passions I love and putting my genuine self out into the world.

But enough about me. What all do you hope to get out of 2020 and how has it been treating you so far? Leave a comment below because I’d love nothing more than to hear from you.

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Personal Blog Post: Apologies Are in Order

Sorry for My Absence Blog Post

Hello everyone! How’re you all doing today? I know it’s been quite a while since you’ve heard from me. For that, I extend my sincerest apologies for my long silence. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart I didn’t intentionally stop writing on my blog. There wasn’t anything going on here in the blogging community that made me not want to write anymore. I just—needed to be away for a little while.

As you all know, I mentioned back in February that I lost my best friend to a disease that has yet to have a cure. While I’d love nothing more to say I’ve gotten over that loss and have fully moved on with my life, that would be a lie. The grief I feel over her death comes and goes with some days being easier than others. She was someone who was really a big part of my life so having to live without her hasn’t been easy. But I’m managing the best I can, one day at a time. One of the things I’ve started working on to help deal with my grief is writing personal letters to my best friend, talking about the different things going on in my life. I’ve found that it helps even though there are a lot of times I don’t really know what to say.

However, that isn’t the only reason I’ve been absent from my blog. This year in general has just been very busy as well. I have an older sister who just recently got married so I’ve been helping prepare for that.

And to be honest, I just haven’t been writing or reading quite as much lately. I guess you could say for the past couple months I’ve been in a reading and writing slump that I’m slowly working on getting myself out of. I have a lot of books to read, just need to pick one up and start reading again. But it’s been difficult to get out of because I just haven’t been feeling like reading lately and I don’t know why. So, I’m going to try and figure out what’s causing this slump for me and what I can do to remedy the situation so I can read the books piling up in my room that remain unread.

With that being said, I’m hoping this blog post can be the start of me getting back to being involved with my blog again. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy writing on my blog and have missed being a part of this community. Hopefully writing this post will motivate me to get back into blogging again like I was doing before I took this unexpected absence.

Again, I apologize from the bottom of my heart for being absent for so long. I can’t guarantee I’ll immediately be active on my blog again, but I’m definitely working right now on getting out of this slump so I can get back into it. And I truly believe this post will be the start of that for me.

I hope you all are doing well and can’t wait to continue blogging where I left off! Please let me know in the comments below what all you’ve been up to since my unexpected hiatus because I’d love nothing more than to hear from fellow bloggers.

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Acquiring a New Opportunity

Brave Leap of Faith

I know it’s been quite a while since my latest blog post. I just haven’t had as much free time to read and write blog posts though. But it’s for a very good reason.

I know I haven’t mentioned this on my blog at all because my blog posts have been laser-focused on books. But I just recently acquired a new job, once again. I think the last time I mentioned a job was last October on this personal blog post where I talked about a position one of my dear friends from college recommended me for.

The reason for the job change is because the company I was working for due to my friend is very soon going to be done with the project I was working on. From what I’ve heard, their last day on site will be June 14th, which is next week. As a result, I would’ve likely been unemployed if I’d stayed until the very end of the project. BUT it’s actually because of the company I was working for that this opportunity came to me.

You see, the project I was hired on for with this company is on a construction site. Most of the people I’d worked for were electricians on this construction site that were hired to do work for a fiberglass plant here that’s in the process of opening. Well, someone in the maintenance/utilities department on site was looking for someone to help with some of their forms.

My previous employment was very pleased with my work for them. So, when they heard the maintenance department on site was looking for someone to help with their workload, they told that person about me. This opened the door for me to interview and then be offered this position, which I started officially on Monday, May 20th.

While I’m still sad to have left that job behind, I feel extremely thankful. I had no idea that working for them would give me this opportunity. Would give me the chance to get a more permanent full-time job that gives me even more work experience in an industry I’m still learning more about.  I feel like I’ll never be able to thank them enough for getting me employment after they’re gone from the site.

And so far, the job itself has been going well for me. Yes, I’m still learning all my responsibilities and it can sometimes feel overwhelming because there’s a lot I’m going to be doing. Like I’ll be handling our department’s payroll because I mentioned in my interview that I have payroll experience. I’ll also be responsible for keeping track of the equipment that’s on site as well as different forms of paperwork that our department will need to get approved to get the equipment we’ll need. A lot of my responsibilities are essentially administrative tasks and data entry work. But I’m still learning what all I’m going to be handling right now in this position so if the details sound vague to you at all that’s probably why.

I can tell you for sure that I’ll be a lot busier than I was before. Since I’ve started, I’ve yet to have an unproductive/slow day where I’m not handling some aspect of my new job, which I don’t mind at all because I love being busy and feeling challenged at work.

So that’s why I haven’t been blogging quite as much lately. I’ve been so busy with this new job (even working on Saturdays, which gives me overtime pay) that I just haven’t had the energy or time to focus on much of anything at all.

But I’m not going anywhere, I can promise you that. I’m still planning on blogging, continuing reading books I love, playing video games I enjoy, etc. I just wanted to explain to you all why I haven’t been quite as present on my blog lately and wanted to share the good news. Because I’m extremely thankful for this new opportunity and can’t wait to see where it takes me.

 

5

Grieving the Loss of a Dear Friend

Erin and I Great Strides Walk May 2017

My heart feels so shattered right now. This week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. My best friend, who I’ve known since my freshman year of high school, passed away on Wednesday, February 13th. She was fighting for her life against cystic fibrosis, a genetic disease that affects a person’s lungs and their ability to breathe, the pancreas and other parts of their body.

While I knew this day would eventually come (people with cystic fibrosis don’t have a long life span, most nowadays live until their 30’s and there’s still no cure), it still doesn’t make it any less hard for me to deal with the grief I’ve been experiencing since her passing. She was a good friend, someone I truly trusted with all my heart and soul, who cared a lot about everyone she encountered. She was strong too, always putting on a brave face even when she was in pain fighting against this terrible disease. In our friendship, I always felt like I could truly be myself around her and could talk to her about anything and everything.

She was the best friend I could ever ask for. It feels like just yesterday we were talking and creating memories together. I remember moments from high school, like some of the classes we had together and when we’d eat lunch on the senior balcony during senior year. Also, recent moments too from during and after I was done in college, like when we went to the zoo together with her oldest son, went to the beach with another friend because she loved the ocean, and whenever I went with her when she decided she wanted tattoos. There are so many other moments that stand out to me in our friendship, but these are some of the best ones. Now, she’s no longer here and I feel like a piece of me went with her when she passed away.

Erin and I At the Zoo June 2014

I know the next few weeks will be extremely difficult for everyone she cares about. She’s left behind so many good people who care so much about her along with a wonderful husband and her two young children who’ll now live without a mother. But I feel extremely lucky and grateful to have met her and know that our friendship will always hold a special place in my heart. I know one day, I’ll get to meet her again very soon, and that lessens the pain of her loss. Until then best friend, I want you to know I love you so much and can’t wait to see you again.

If you’re reading this post, if you can, please donate to the Go Fund Me page me and a couple of her friends have set up to help her husband and kids during this difficult time or donate to your local cystic fibrosis organization in honor of my best friend’s memory.

My heart is hurting, but I’m glad my dear friend isn’t suffering anymore.

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Turning the Page on Life To 26

birthday cupcake image

Hello everyone! I hope you’re all having a wonderful week so far. So, January 14th is my birthday and this year, I turned 26.

When I was younger, I used to make such a big deal about my birthday. I’d get all excited every time it came around to the point where I’d tell other people it was my birthday just so someone would wish me a wonderful day.

Well this year has been a little different for me. For once, I was more relaxed about it being my birthday and not making as much of a big deal about it. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve come to the realization that it’s not something I need to make such a fuss over. That if someone wants to wish me well, they will and if they don’t then on well.

Either way, this year I felt calm about it being my birthday and just took the moment to enjoy the day no matter what happened. I was at work all day and it was busy because of payroll being due for me to turn in so it came and went quickly.

While I’m another year older, I don’t feel that much different than any of the days before. I feel like just the same person that I’ve always been and that not too much has really changed. But at the same time, I feel happy with where I’m at in my life and that there have been some changes that I’m proud of.

For starters, I’ve acquired a new job that’ll put me in the right direction in life. Not to say working in food service isn’t a noble thing, it just isn’t where I picture myself working for the rest of my life. At first, I wasn’t sure what to think of this job because I originally wasn’t doing well at it my first couple weeks. But now, I feel like I’ve gained my ground and am starting to adjust to my job responsibilities and handling whatever tasks get thrown at me. If anything, I find I’m busier now than when I started out due to us hiring more employees and being given more responsibilities by my boss. I see this as a positive thing because I believe they wouldn’t give me more work if they weren’t happy with the way I’ve been handling things. While I don’t know where this work experience will get me in life, I’m extremely thankful for this opportunity and to get the experience.

I’m also thankful/happy because I have a poem published in an anthology. I know I’ve already talked about this quite a bit, so I probably won’t say too much else about it, but I’m still excited that a poem I’ve written is physically in a book that people can buy and read. One of my dreams is to one day be an author who writes her own stories and gets published. And I feel like with the anthology, I’ve accomplished my dream of being an author even if it’s just having one poem I’ve written getting published. While I hope that’s not the only piece of writing of mine that’ll be read, I still want to continue pursuing that dream and having more of my voice going out into the world. I know my blog here on WordPress also helps me accomplish some of my writing goals so I’m extremely thankful for that too.

All of this I accomplished when I was 25. So, I can’t wait to see what 26 has in store for me. Hopefully it’s as wonderful as being 25. I’m hopeful that it could be another great age but will wait and see what life has in store for me.

 

10

Back to Blogging (Hopefully)

Back to Blogging Fall Image

Hello everyone! I hope you all have been doing well and I’m sorry I haven’t written anything on here in so long. I know it’s been a month since I’ve last written a blog post. It’s just that life for me has been super busy because of my new job. I’m still getting accustomed to the new hours I’ve been working, plus I’ve already traveled twice during my three weeks in this position. The first time I traveled to Ohio for my training, and then a week later I was asked to attend time keeping training in Pennsylvania for the new time system we’ll be using for our time sheets.

On top of all of that, I then thought I was sick with a cold. But it turns out it’s my seasonal allergies that randomly make an appearance just when the last medication I take expires. My seasonal allergies first started for me whenever I was in college living on campus 30 minutes away from home. I don’t know what exactly changed, just discovered that my throat gets itchy and all whenever the seasons change. But it’s never consistent so I never know if it’s actually my allergies or if I’m sick. So I’ve been dealing with an itchy throat, stuffy nose and headaches on top of adjusting to my new position and getting accustomed to earlier hours.

As a result, I just haven’t had the energy or the time to write on my blog like I’ve been wanting to. And I feel pretty bad about it because I’ve already canceled a post I was really committed to writing for one of my blogging friends. I was really excited about writing this post, about this opportunity, but these past couple weeks have just gotten away from me and I wasn’t able to complete the post like I wanted to. I know she understands and all, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling bad that I didn’t complete the post like I wanted. I know they’ll definitely be more opportunities to guest post in the future, but I don’t like letting those chances slip away from me.

While I’m glad that I have this new job opportunity and to see where it takes me, I’m sad that I haven’t been as active on my blog recently. But with adjusting to new hours comes me having to change the time I write on my blog. I don’t know yet how often blog posts will be, but I’ll try my best to stay as active on here as I used to be. I think it essentially depends on how I feel once I leave work, whether I’m up to the task of writing on my blog or not.

For now though, I’ll take it one day at a time just like with my new job. I find that overall this job has been okay so far. I’m still fairly new so I’m still learning how things work around there and what’s expected of me. I know there’s a lot I could improve on with myself in this position, but since I’m still learning, I need to cut myself a little more slack. I don’t know yet how I feel about the job overall, mostly because it’s office work and that’s not something I necessarily enjoy doing. But with this job, I’m definitely gaining more experience and feel like I’m heading in the right direction with what I want to do. I just need to stop over thinking every little thing I do and I believe I’ll be fine once I get really into my new position. I’m extremely thankful for this opportunity and while this job is only supposed to be a temporary position, I’m hopeful that it could turn into something more for me when I can prove myself a valuable asset to the company.

I hope moving forward to continue writing more posts on my blog. But for now, I’m trying my best to enjoy this new opportunity and adjust to my new hours. I’ll write blog posts whenever I feel inspired and have the chance, but it might not be as frequent as I used to. So until my next post, I hope all of you are doing well and would appreciate hearing back from you in the comments about what you’ve been up to. Take care and happy writing!

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A Personal Blog Post

A Personal Blog Post LogoHello everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve put up anything personal here on my blog. I think the last time it was one of my coffee posts, due to feeling like I couldn’t really keep up with doing one once a week.

But I have some good news to announce that has happened to me. Something I’m really excited about, that I feel like I can no longer contain within myself anymore. So I feel like I need to write about it too in order to put into words exactly what I’m excited about.

For those who don’t already know, I’ve been working in food service since I was in college. I was hoping after I graduated I’d be able to get out of it for good. But that didn’t end up happening. Instead, I continued working in food service for these past three years since I’ve graduated, first continuing my job at my school’s dinning hall, then getting a job as a salad bar worker and server for a local deli here that has some pretty good food.

But I’ve now accepted a new job. One of my friends from college works for a company that’s based in Ohio. However, they are opening a location where I live and have been looking for people to help them with their projects here. My friend and I used to work together at our school’s dinning hall so she put in a good word for me with her employer to where they’ve now interviewed me and offered me a position with their company.

A lot of my responsibilities will involve handling their payroll, working on spreadsheets, making sure new workers fill out their paperwork, pretty much I’ll be doing a lot of office work. I don’t mind it though because I feel like this job will take me in the right direction career wise. I’ll be starting my new job on October 29th, two days before Halloween.

So I’m really excited about it. I’ve been excited about it ever since I was offered the position, and can’t wait to get started. While I’m sad to leave my current job behind, I’m ready to get out of food service, hopefully for good this time. While I enjoy the job I’ll be leaving behind, I really feel like this is the step in the right direction for me. So yes, this is the good news I’ve been wanting to share with you all.

I’d also like to say one more thing before I end this post. I really appreciate my friend for letting me know about this opportunity because without her, I wouldn’t be sharing this good news. So if you’re reading this my dear friend (which I hope you do), thank you so much for telling me about this job and putting in a good word for me. Thank you for everything this job opportunity offers me moving forward and for all the advice you’ve been giving me about the position ever since I told you I was offered the job. I also would like to add that I’m excited we’ll be working together again friend and can’t wait for us to get together again soon.

I’m just so thankful to get this opportunity and I wanted to share that with you all.

I hope you all are having a good day and happy writing!

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